


Toasted Golden

by Cant_We_Just_Dance



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Crack Fic, M/M, Other, Toasters, kinda graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-13 22:26:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11769654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cant_We_Just_Dance/pseuds/Cant_We_Just_Dance
Summary: He had never imagined he'd go out like this.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is @jamisahivemind from tumblr! Make sure to comment, kudos, and hang out with me over on the hellsite!

Alexander lay on the tile floor, his body wracked with broken sobs, the noise echoing through the kitchen. He had imagined death so much it felt like a memory, and now? Now, death was no longer a memory, but an ocean that crashed over his mind in waves.

He stared down at the metal object, his vision blurred with warm tears, ignoring the sensation of them spilling over and rolling down his cheeks. All he had wanted was a fulfilling life, a future, a world where he could be with who he loved. 

But that was impossible, wasn’t it? And so, he lay there, not for the first time in his life ready for the warm embrace of death to carry him away. But this time, it was a certainty that his demise would occur. The only thing he had wanted was to be wrapped in the warm lace cloak of love, warm and welcoming as it carried him off into the sweet promise of a wonderful, dream-like life.

And he had to go and ruin his own chances.

So Alexander lay there, dying, the metal box attached firmly to his hips.

And his dick

stuck

in

the

toaster.


	2. Chapter 2

“911, what’s your emergency?” Thomas asked as soon as the call began.

“I- wait, Jefferson, is that you?” Replied Alexander in a state of nervous shock, laced with golden panic.

“Hamilton? I haven’t seen ya since law school!” Thomas exclaimed, grinning slightly as he typed down the words being spoken into his computer, as per protocol. “But I have a job to do, so what’s your problem?”

“I…” Alexander stammered, looking down nervously at his dick, which was still firmly stuck in the toaster. “You know what? I think I’ll just drive myself to the ER, thanks for all your help-”

“Look, I already answered the call, and whatever happened is just gonna take longer if you wanna go to the ER- what’s the issue?” Thomas pressed, tucking a few stray curls back behind his ear in effort to tame his hair. “What’s with the sudden silence? Cat got your tongue?”

‘More like toaster got your dick,’ Alexander thought, biting his lip nearly hard enough to draw blood. “N-no…. I… My hand! Yeah, my hand, it’s stuck in the toaster!”

“See? Was that so hard? You couldn’t have driven to the ER like that,” Thomas pointed out, beginning to type down Alexander’s description of his injury. “Do you feel any blood loss, are you cut in any way, is the toaster still on?”

“I-I turned it off as soon as I realized that my… Hand was stuck. Not bleeding, just kinda feels like it’s digging into my skin- hurts pretty damn bad, too,” Alexander supplied, trying his best not to lose his cool and admit that his dick was stuck in a toaster, which is a situation we all find ourselves in, from time to time. 

“Well, I’m gonna send an ambulance, and they’ll be there shortly,” Thomas told him in a stiff voice. “Anything else I should know?”

“Well, it wasn’t an accident, and I know it was kinda stupid, but I couldn’t have used lube because it’s electric, and my dick isn’t even hard anymore-”

“Your dick?” Thomas asked, slightly shocked, but remaining his false cover of indifference. “What do you mean lube, and that your di- oh my god, it’s not your hand stuck in a toaster, it’s your dick, isn’t it? Holy shit, your dick is stuck in a toaster. Alexander Hamilton tried to fuck a toaster!”

“Shut up!” Alexander shouted, realizing just a few moments too late that avoiding the question had done as much good as answering it would have.

“S-Sir,” Thomas snickered, barely holding back giggles. “I n-need you to describe your injuries to me, please, s-spare no detail!”

“Fine,” Alexander spat, glaring at his phone as he did so. “I, Alexander Hamilton, have my dick stuck in a toaster! Happy?”

“Very- and I bet the whole damn office is, too, since I put this call on speaker phone.”


End file.
